So much has changed from my last post...it's been a year and some change. Another reason I was intimidated by the prospect of a blog in my first entry - I'm really bad at follow-through. ha.
A reason I've been uncommunicative - so much has changed since I wrote my last blog! I graduated, moved back home, got a *cough* job. and have been thoroughly disillusioned with the wide world. YES! PROGRESS!
...
Sorry that was disheartening. Really, my emotions are all over the place. I'm SO
THANKFUL FOR THE
MERCIES OF GOD in
NOT giving me what I
think thought I wanted.
The truth is, I can't even tell you everything I've learned. my heart and head don't always give me the words to communicate my thoughts. Some lessons I
don't didn't even want to learn. Some I thought I
should would learn in a way other than the way God chose to teach me. And while I wouldn't say I'm
HAPPY about the changes, I also wouldn't say I wish they hadn't happened.
I guess I've learned (yeah, right) begun to learn the secret to contentment - something I studied last semester with a very special young woman named Rachael. It's not necessarily being excited about what you've been given. Cause sometimes it's like getting a package of hanes sports socks as your only christmas present. You're like *WHAT?!* but the truth is you needed them more than any other stuff you could have gotten. It's not even necessarily being happy about it. But it's choosing to see the things you've been given as a blessing because they're what you've been given. It's choosing to recognise that HOLINESS that sets God apart from us, and the perfection that is inherent in His divine plan.
It's like Joy. Joy isn't happiness. It's something different all together. I think maybe I've been chasing my happy ending, but waaaay before the end. maybe that's why I've been discontent and heartsick. I'm grasping at straws to change God's plan. I'd rather stick to joy and contentment. Maybe that would make me a happier person too.
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